Woots, everyone came back today! Nt sure what I will be doing tmr. perhaps we would be gg LAN. Who knows.

Spoke to her today. Ok. Not spoke. MSNed. She got into AJC. Ahh, congratulations. My mom asked me to appeal to AJC. I was reluctant at first, cus (in order of importance):

#1: She's there and I dun want her to misunderstand I appealed to get into the same school as her.

#2: AJC does not offer Computer Programming.

#3: I dun wanna go out.

In the end my mom said sth that made me decide to appeal.

"Why are you always so indecisive. What's yours you dun want to fight for it. Prelim also like that, never go and claim marks, then never get 11 points without minus."

Ahh, I was rly surprised, den I thought about it. Ya, I should not let opportunities slide by. I should take it. So be it if she thinks I appealed to be in the same school as her. Well, it shows I'm despo. (Oh wait, that isnt good isit?) Yeah, I shall go appeal. I think Tuesday or sth. But I think must call them up first.

I think I analyse too much. Sometimes, before I say things, I would think 3 lines ahead. What the person will reply, what I should reply, what that person in turn will reply. I make sure that it's satisfactory before I speak. Omg, I'm turning into Kira. Actually, this is only when I chat wif her. haha. I'm proud (or ashamed) to say that my predictions are almost always correct. Or at least close to the reply. And then I applied it to other ppl also. And now... Sigh... Though this doesn't happen wif every sentence. Just some.. sensitive.. ones. But there's nth wrong in thinking before you say something right? I just overdo it.

Yeah, I was trying to be someone else. I was trying to be someone everyone likes. I dun care what I like, I just try to please everyone. Jeez, you know that sux? You know its realli terrible to not have things go your way? Its terrible to keep following. Ya, some ppl think I dun have my own opinion. You just nv thought that I DO have my own opinion, I just dun want to make you all angry. I just want to be some one everyone likes. And in the end, I hate myself.

I wish I can be like Glenn. Inconsiderate yet considerate. He knows how to satisfy himself yet make himself likeable. Ya, I am attracted to him. Seriously. I think he can be a girl magnet if he wants to. I mean, he really treats me badly. Most of the time. BUt somehow I keep believing in him, keep supporting him. THere are times where I thought, "SCREW GLENN", but somehow, I never quit being his friend. I think it has to do with his personality? So.. Girls, if you dun wanna get attracted by him, dun bother knowing him. Once you know him, you might find him irresistable. OM, what am I saying, I make him sound like some evil rapist. Ah well. He's just charming in my opinion.

Jeez. I rly like my current friends, though there are frictions. Alot. But somehow, we managed to glue together. Glenn, WP, Dex, TY. TY's the worst one. We fell out 2-3 times, yet got together in the end. These 4 are my good friends, my inner circle. Glenn and WP are my best friends. And I guess, they will stay that way. Yeah. I excluded George cus he's not our age haha, but I treat him as an older brother I never had. He's rly nice too.

As my post title suggested, these are my true feelings. I think, you can probably tell. I'm not holding anything back. Actually, I'm onli sure TY reads my blog. And Grace Yeoh. I dun think anyone else reads. Lol. So I guess, this is almost a personal diary.

Sincerely praying after O levels results release I can get into NJC. Of course, I pray that Glenn will get in too. And Grace too :). I really doubt WP and TY can get into NJ, and TY wants to go Poly anyways. WP also considering going Poly. I'm not sure about Dex, but judging by how confident he was during the Os, he should be able to enter NJ too. But confidence is a double-edged sword. Rly, I think onli my EL will sarbo. Crap. I shouldn't have anyhow wrote my composition. Sigh. I must have been insane. I think my dual maths get A1 alr. My MT shud be able to push to A1 also. Bio and Physics should be A1 too. Geography should also be A1.

Lord, please grant me the grades that I desire. Nothing has ever went my way before. So please grant this wish. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I think the MOE should stop giving priority to HMT ppl. It's unfair enough they get a 2 point advantage. Still want to give them advantage. THat is seriously CRAP. They should do sth like ppl who Prelim get A1 for English can minus 2 points off their Os. That would be more fair to ppl who MT sux but EL good. Ah well, MOE sux, enough said. They are still miles behind the education system in America. I rly dun see the emphasis on MT. I mean, taking MT ok, nth wrong wif that. BUt giving priority to ppl wif HMT is just insane. It shows poor planning and also ministers and officials who hasn't went through this kind of education system. Which actually sux. This is my main gripe now of the examination system. Another thing MOE can do is introduce GP in secondary school. Den if u take GP no need take English. Score a pass in GP can minus 2 pts. So GP becomes like the english version of HMT. so all's fair. See. It's not so hard to make things fair. Poor planning, that's what I say. Never actually thought through the policy properly. Never realised it's so one-sided.

Ok, Nth else to post. Another long post. Haha. Rarely have long post alr..

This post can dun read. Hate post.

SCREW HMT

Today Glenn, Dex, and TY went for church camp, hope they have fun there. Actually, I was supposed to go too, but I decided I dun wanna go and spend more time wif my sis. And besides, I dun wanna meet new people. Not yet at least. Yes, I am VERY anti-social. I dun like meeting new people. I dun like making new friends. I just want my current frieds.

Dreamt of her again today. Dreamt of her yesterday too. Sigh, what's wrong wif me nowadays... I can't realli rmb wad was the yesterday's dream, it had to be good, for I dun rmb panicking or waking up with a start. But today's dream, I can still see it, hear it, touch it. I woke up feeling really happy (Not wet dream), felt that I have been born again, and then I realised it was a dream... Sigh, as usual I was disappointed. Then I thought about it, somehow the dream didn't seem like a big deal, so why did I feel so happy? So I started reflecting about it, and I came to a conclusion. THe conclusion is:__________________________________________. Lol, I dun wanna say. If this was a personal diary, I may write that out.

"I try to forget you, but I dunno how.."

WP came over today. Not much cept we watched Getbackers, den we DotAed and played a few lame games. Den he watched me play Fly For Fun. SO, we just talk cock until 6 den he went home. How can I forget, we neopets a little too. Ok, a little is an understatement lol.

These few days I feel very heavy, like sth is chaining my legs and holding me down. I dunno wads causing it, nor do I have the morale to find out what is it. Ever since she left for China, I felt something missing from my heart. What puzzled me was even when she was here, I did not talk to her much. So logically speaking, when she goes overseas, the change to my life should not be that great, right? WRONG! I dunno why, but I feel I lose my purpose in life and I keep feeling like giving up. Exactly the same feeling I had last year this time of the year. And then the age old saying "Man does not treasure what he has until he has lost it" Yet, she was never mine, so how could I have lost her? Theoretically wrong. I cannot lose something I never had.

"I love you, from the bottom of my heart. You are, will always be, my only one. My heart is only big enough for you, no one can take the number one place in my heart, nor can anyone have a place in my heart while you are still here. Even when I close my eyes, I see your face. In times of loneliness, I wish only for your company. Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of you, and I find the courage to turn the next bend. Sometimes, I wish I was someone else. I wish I was someone you would love. I cannot be satisfied with myself. I want so much to be the only one in your life, but am I not good enough? THen, why can't I be someone worthy? Someone worthy of your touch, your kiss, your loving gaze? Why then, do I have to be me?"

When can I win your heart? Sadly, this isn't a carnival, where if you have enough money, and enough patience and determination, you can win the top prize. This, is life. This is the game of love. This is where many people suffer. This is reality, not dreams. What dreams do I have? My only dream is to be with you. To protect you.

At this juncture, I think of Ginji and his promise to protect the people of unlimited city. And that is so totally irrelavant.

"Looking back on the things I've done, I was trying to be someone. I played my part, I kept you in the dark. Now let me show you the shape of my heart."

When life throws you a fastball, You catch it. But when life throws me a fastball, I let it hit me in the face, so I can wake up. Or perhaps knock me out. Either way, it would be good.

I shall just let life takes it course and see what unfolds. Perchance I shall win her heart? Perchance I end up in the same JC as her? Either way, it's all up to Fate now. Ok Fate, everything is in your hands, I can only... Believe.... Shinjitteru...

Wow, I am finally getting down to making a blog entry. Can just remember I was here a few days ago rdy to write when I suddenly decided to play games, so I did not. Sigh, I am such a procrastinator. Anyways, I promise this will be a long post.... I hope... As long as I do not forget what I wanted to write.

Before embarking on the story of my (Suxy) life, just one announcement, TY's coming back today (tonite?)!!! Lets welcome him and (laughs) tell him we have completed our partying.

I can't remember how many events has it been since choir ROD, but the most important one is prom. For the first time in my life, I actually went shopping for my own clothes!! WOW!!! o.0, normally I just wear wad my mom buys! Went over the whole of Taka and yet I could not find what I wanted, so I went back empty handed (Yeah, Im damn choosy). Nxt day went to IMM, also cannot find what I want, then went to Isetan, where I finally (thankfully) found something I want. And this happened the day before prom! Haha, if I cannot find what I wanted, I'll simply wear T-shirt and Jeans, cool rite? I thought so too! Den me n glenn would somehow be similar haha.

Anyways, my end suit was a white shirt (Yay, i nv button the top button to show off my pendant), A pendant which is actually a ring, jeans, and (drum rolls) TRACK SHOES (Laughs). Anyways, I didn't know to turn up casual or formal, so I chose the inbetween. Many people turned up like businessmen and I found it rather odd. Definitely not to my taste (Who cares? I'm not gay). WP and dex wore ALMOST IDENTICAL SUITS! So they became Glenn (president) bodyguard. LOL! I was supposed to be personal assistant but I did not want to participate in their charade. Some ppl made me rly wanna laugh, first one was Alvin. WHen I saw him, I thot he was an insurance agent, and I was wonderin what was an insurance agent doing here. And den, I realised it was him. LOL!!! Then, more ppl streamed in, all looking like businessmen on impt businesses. Den the girls started coming. Saw Jinzhe and I was like WOAH, JZ know how to dress well!! Future Hu Jin Tao mah! Den WP keep running off to flirt wif some girls. Some girls actually cosplayed -.-.. I only rmb a cinderella and an angel? Wow, (laughs). Well then, we started getting impatient and wanted to get into the Dunearn Ballroom ASAP, so we camped by the doors. As soon as it was opened we CHIONG IN!!! Haha, got table 8, cus WP wanted it, and sui man, it was beside the teacher's one. AHH!! Our table had me, glenn, dex, wp, gx, and mx at first. Den no one wanted to join us. Michele walked pass and WP said I wish she would sit here. My evil plan was WP scram and she just MIGHT sit there. LOL!!! Den later WP can come back and say sth like sry, went toilet so long, thks dex for reserving my seat. Haha, den she wanna change place also too late. But anyways, later Rachel Low and her fren came to join us. Den Chiam was walking about and I can't rmb who invited him to sit wif us. Lol, then our table lidat lor, got 9 ppl. The emcee for the nite was rly funny! And that, to me, was the whole highlight. His humour and jokes left me rolling on the floor laughing (Not literally). Buttt FOOD FIRST!!! And to tell the truth, the food tasted... bland.. Definitely not good quality food, I've eaten better in hawker centres. THe salmon? I've tasted better salmons in Sakae Sushi. The food definitely wasn't great. But the programmes were. I liked the song game, where ur supposed to guess wad song it was. Actually I knew quite a number, but too shy to go forth.

Oh no, the problem I feared is back, I forgot what I wanted to post....

Crap, I can't even rmb what happened nxt. THe nxt thing seemed to be the Prom King and QUeen segment, I dun rly wish to elaborate cus it wasn't an impt event for me. Jimson became King and Joan became Queen (2 Js lol..) Gx qualified as a finalist but too bad the whole 5A banded behind Jimson. In my heart, the only queen is Grace.

EDIT: The start of the event was a slideshow of pictures, and (drum rolls) the PULITZER PRIZE WINNING PHOTO TAKEN BY ME WAS SHOWN!!! Oh man, that photo should have won a Nobel Prize award too! I mean, everyone who saw it will laugh together and den realise that they are all humans so all fighting will stop! NOBEL PEACE PRIZE! DEN I WOULD ACHIEVE WORLD PEACE THROUGH AN INCREDIBLE FOOTAGE OF WP LOOKING RETARDED! Mwahaha, so you guys who dunno where the heck that photo came frm and which genius took it, the answer is ME!! Actually, i dono who gave the photo, but I TOOK IT MWAHAHA!! Outside 204 classroom 2 years ago. Anyways, the person who gave the photo, I'm gonna sue that person, its copyrighted by law (no pun) and no permission was granted for that photo to be shown. ANyway, for those interested to know how I took it, it happened so lamely. I was supposed to take a picture of marcus, glenn, dexter, and ting jun i think, den WP was standing out of the frame laughing at them. So I quickly turned towards him and hit the shutter, thats when that Nobel prize winning photo of WP's retarded look was born.

Fastforward, nowadays I've been playing badminton wif Glenn and WP at Jelapang. Life seems to get so repetitive, we rly need more big events. Anyways, ytd went ice sk8ing wif them becus I had nth to do at home. My sis came along. So at first I thot was 4 ppl. When I reached there, I was shocked that WP has invited Rachel Low too. And den, I got a second shock when wp told me he tried to get Sandy to come. LMAO! I wanted to, but I played DotA and forgot to SMS her LOL!! Haiz, so Glenn got nooo partner T.T.. Haha... Practically the whole session I was wif my sis, so nth much to say, her first time ice sk8ing. Den we went KFC to eat. Er, not much to say. Wow, I just realised yesterday was sooo like the day before. Haha, lifeless.. At night went to play badminton (again). Den played DotA (Again). WOw, monotonous.. I rly dono wad else to post, but if I rmb, I will edit this post.