i think i know why i like Relient K songs so much, and it's cause I feel it's a reflection of my life. It has been like my inner voice, and i'm always wishing that my life would b as the song ends, since it usually ends with an inspirational message.

can you help me out with my chemistry?

they cut me deep and bled me dry until there was nothing left to bleed. And this is how I choose to live, as if I'm jumping off a cliff.
I keep trying to pick myself up and then move on. I think about the life I'll have when this fragile one is gone.

the very thing that I hate more than everything is the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods. I've thrown away so many things that could have been much more. And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored. when I go down, I go down hard, and I take everything I've learnt and teach myself some disregard.
I've thrown away the hope I had in friendships.

What's the purpose? It feels worthless. So unwanted like I've lost all my value.
Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all. And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all.
I spent it convincing myself the world's doing just fine without me

I don’t want nothing to hurt me. I had no idea where my head was at, but if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end
And I so hate consequences, and running from you is what my best defense is. God, don’t make me face up to this. And I so hate consequences, and running from you is what my best defense is. cause I know that I let you down, and I don’t want to deal with that.
All of my escapes have been exhausted. I thought I had a way but then I lost it. And my resistance was once much stronger and I know I can't go on like this much longer.

why is it so hard to have someone to console me everytime i'm feeling down?

i do that for my friends, i always hope they would notice i'm not feeling well, at the end of the day the only consolation i got was from my dog.

i think wad i really want is recognition. and right now, i feel it coming only from my dog which is like an alterego since.. my dog is.. a plushie.. i don't know how many times i can pick myself up from the ground any longer.

why is it so unfair? i'm sympathetic to other people, and yet they don't seem to be reciprocating. why can't i just be someone else? my personality type just does not suit me. everyone i consider a close friend have cut me deeply at least once. everyone important to me have left their scar on my heart. and i'm bleeding. i'm bleeding.

i just want to fade away now. i feel it's hell on earth. rain brought joyous cheers to farmers and to me it's as though the sky is crying. the world around me is crying. trying to drown me in its sorrows. why am i so pessimistic? i used to tell myself i can make it, i just need to put in effort. now i just feel i'm a failure in everything i do. i don't even want to try anything anymore. i wish i can go skiing and have a ski accident. my emotions are like a roller coaster filled with highs and lows. bipolar.