Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it...

I dun know. Shud I keep the role? Is it for the best? Anyway, I believe Jordan will get it. Good luck to him. Like this Grace happy, can liao. And he is 188, so... Closer to Eugene's height of 184. Me leh, 160. So short. I want to grow taller, but no hope, my parents both short. So I inherit short genes. In fact, I second tallest in my family. My sis is 162. No hope. My puberty is over.

Why did God create me only to destroy me... It's so cruel...

Am I a joker? Everyone treats me as one. Ok, so I am. I may seem I do not care. Well. I don't. In school. I only start caring when I reach home. So dun think wadeva bad comments there are abt me I dun care. I just seem to. I think I am pretty much transparent. Pple just laugh at my jokes. Other than that I dun think I exist at all. My birthday... No one remembers it, my immediate relatives onli. My frens, most do not rmb at all. Until I tell them. Everyone in my class gets Happy Bday songs when its their bday. Me? For nine years I received none. I just want to be well-liked I guess. That's why I keep being a joker. Make pple laugh, release tension. Den wad... Ppl laugh and forget. And den I become transparent again.

If I jump down. No one would have noticed I was gone. Even when I was sick. No one noticed. Like once I fell sick and then went to school nxt day. They were like "You never come school yesterday??" Maybe I shud start being a bad boy. Get into all sorts of trouble. Maybe then pple will start noticing me. Like Tiger. "Aiya, you again!" My parents only care about my results. No one cares about me. Not even God. I think I am just a forgotten file in the system.

This is a poem I thought of last minute.

My teacher used to say to me
You need to have dreams to be somebody
Now I can see
It's all just bullshit
The fear of failing
Keeps us from trying
"We fall to succeed"
It is also bullshit
When we fall
We keep falling
"Hope brings fulfilment"
Get real, it brings disappointment
We leave our mark in the sand
Only to be erased by the coming tide
Almost as soon as we make that stand
Hope not for tomorrow
For tomorrow promises despair