"He will be strong..."

Just a week plus away from my enlistment date, so close I could taste it. Am I anxious? Nope, not at all, altho I am kind of resigned to my fate of 2 wasted years. I'll gather my insufficiencies and place them in His hands, I believe He will carry me through and yes! I shall draw my strength from Him.

Can I be free of this unreleasable sin? You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. I throw up my hands for the impossibilities. Fustrated and tired where do I go from here? Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly. Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears.

So.. it's been 4 years of rocky road and many a times, I nearly went headlong into a tree. I'm falling out of grace with the world. They say i've lost my midas touch what turned to gold now turns to rust. Every angle of my life covered with just another bandaid. And yet I'm here beyond shadow of a doubt that I'm never falling out of favour with you. I've been banging my head against the wall for so long it seems I've knocked it down. To experience the bittersweet. Why? Cause I struggle with forward motion. Every time I gain some ground I got to turn myself around again.

Actually, I wouldn't mind waiting forever, but the unknown is scary. Feelings are not helping either I mean, I've not known happiness for a long time already. Seems lost to me. Sigh, I'm still searching for it. And sometimes, I think, maybe I don't deserve happiness. Maybe I've done something horrible that it's no longer my privilege. But what could I have done.... Hopefully army can help me start anew, if it does I'll be grateful to it. I have to, by hook or by crook, get over this before I can move forward, procrastination is over, it's time to face the music. The consequences aren't pretty :(... It all depends how well I can take this, strength of will....

In any case, my heart can only take 1, so until I've erased the traces, I'm not ready. And it's still burning strong too, after such a long time. Almost 1/4 of my life... And I always thought I would not be able to like someone for so long... Ah well, at least now I know myself much more.

Okies, now for everyday updates!

Just back from Glenn's, Stayed over for 6 days 5 nights. That is one long time.. Haha, but was really fun!! And quite a number of people were there too. Brought my comp over so we could have LAN party. People who went were Ben, Me, Dexter, Ting Jun, Xuan Yang, Wen Pu, Cheng Yeow, and of course Glenn and George who lives there. Glenn's mom was also a good host, having so many guys over could turn the house upside down. We played into the wee hours of the morning like 6 am before sleeping. And also we talked about stuff that I can't even rmb lol, but really had a great time laughing along with them. Of course, WWP was the butt of jokes many a time. Those 6 days just flew by so quickly.. Time passes quickly when you're having fun! I learnt that fun =/= happiness. Even when I'm having fun, it seems there's a dark ominous shadow always enclosing my heart. Sometimes it can get suffocating. Guess that is what is called sorrow. Meh. If it was substantial I would gun it down! haha. Anyway, kind of sleepy now, incurred alot of sleep debt.