Spiritual Exhaustion

I feel like I am gonna die.. Haiz.. Nothing to do at home, my results sucked, my parents dun wanna buy new game for me.. Haiz.. Hopefully they will still allow, since I am persuading them to now.. There are just so many things weighing my mind down now, and i dunno when to begin solving them.. Everything I do seems so screwed.. Like DotA.. Used to be able to own even if playing alone.. Just now played a game wif DK and I think i played until like average bnet player.. That is not enuff.. I MUST go WAY beyond that if I even wan to make a difference to the team. Rite now, it seems like Glenn is the gamemaker..

My heart and mind seems soooo divided.. I tried getting over you, but I just can't. And its making me soo tired I just want to lay down to rest.. What to do. I feel so lost.. I never felt this much despair since January.. Haiz.. Rite now I play games wif the sian sian attitude.. May be partly the reason I playing so crappily now.. At least WP coming back tmr.. Can FINALLY talk to him again.. OK, I am NOT gay and I am certainly NOT addicted to him. Its just that I can sort of confide in him. Not my other frens. I cld share it wif a girl, but I think.. Nah, I too shy.. Although Most of my problems are already stated here.. I need 2 heal my spirit but there is no moonwell or Fountain of Health in my house.. Even sports does not interest me anymore.. Usually I wld eagerly join my clan in playing badminton but now I always get the strong urge to say no when they ask me..

Could all this be an illusion? Or isit because I am PURPOSELY feeling this.. Or my results are so CRAP that I start to lose faith in myself. I know some pple will advice me to place my faith in Him, but how.. When u are truly in despair, u just wanna end your life. But I still feel there is much more to life than what it is now. School helps me abit, since I can get away from my computer that seems to be draining the life out of me and I get to socialize wif my frens.. And I still feel I am anti-social. Outside of my fren circle I never talk to anyone else unless they talk to me.. Rite now, I onli talk to my clan members by choice.. Or when I am SO bored that I anyhow strike a conversation wif my classmates.. Even so, I still feel empty. I am an empty vessel that needs filling..

The onli result I am satisfied wif is my MT.. Surprising.. MT was my weakest subject, contrary to what my frens believe.. I just speak chi on the fone, at home I still use EL.. My lit.. I thot I cld get A1.. But I guess.. Nope.. So I am sooo disatisfied wif my Lit.. My poem sabo me.. But then again, Osgodby is the one marking it and hes so strict.. At least his comment on one of my point was Gd.. So it gave me the confidence that i can do better.. Its these little things that instil determination into a student.. How i wish I got Osgodby as my lit teacher, nt that I dun like Ms Ong.. Its just taht I feel she does nt like me.. Maybe i am just too sensitive.. Thinking abt it.. I feel so hated.. Rozi Hates me.. although that one i cant care less.. She is just so.. childish and unreasonable. She is the first teacher who whines when sth goes wrong.. and her incessant whining is SO irritating.. She does not know how to solve her own problems and expects us to solve it for her. Hello, we are paying u ur salary.. Why shud we be helping u solve ur problem..

Well.. Tahts all I guess.. Adios Amigos..

-------------------Despair is a hole in your heart that drains your life fluids--------------------