Read More

Archive for June 2006

This post is here because I am at Glenn's house wif nth to do be4 the Germany-Argentina match. Ah sian. So.. Wad shall I post abt? THe outing on Mon? Okie...

Woots! Going Ice-skating den cycling on Mon!! For once our outing is not a gay outing!! Lol, for once there are girls!! OK, confirm ppl gg iceskating is GIna, me, glenn, wp, and jordan. Grace unconfirmed. Den later going cycling wif the dancers. Wow, a veri leg-exhausting day. Ah well, who cares, its the bond that counts (Kizuna!!!).

Jus now was thinking abt ppl who made the most impact in my life. So here are the 3 ppl whom shaped my life and are the pivots in my life.

Grace- She's the first girl I ever loved, and I found out the taste of love and the distaste of rejection. She "taught" me emotional pain and how one can be happy when the other is. She also provide me with the drive to do well and also helped me mature. She brought reality to my doorstep. I will never, EVER, forget her. She will always be my Only One.

Wen Pu- He's my first real best friend. He showed me how friends should be loyal and stand up for each other. Even though he is quirky, he does show maturity and has enriched my life in many ways. He also made me view gays in a light-hearted way and not condemn them.

Glenn- He is also one of my good friends and the musical has strengthened my bond wif him. He has taught me to smile in the face of adversity. I can't help but feel happy when he is in the vicinity, wif his undying smile. He has definitely made my life much happier, esp during the times when I was very depressed due to rejection.

Recently I just found out that I have no problems communicating with girls. But why isit I alwauys dun have the courage to speak to Grace? I guess I am to shy. In her precense, I become tongue-tied and I usually become very quiet. I hate that. I realli want to talk to her, to get to know her better, to be her friend. Alas, there are so many guys out there better than me. I dun even stand a chance.

Today went cycling wif Glenn at like 4+. We cycled to school, smsed some people, then sat at the busstop watching people go home. And den we were commenting on their lifelessness, then laughed at ourselves cus we were more lifeless, sitting there watching. I just feel like going home is so boring. Sec 1 Sec 2 and even Sec 3, I would have happily ran home, but now in Sec4, I have a sad longing for the school. Then we were like discussing after Os and we enter JC when we cycle past our school, how would we feel. For me, I think I feel an emptiness gazing at the place where I spent four years of my life. Its like a second home to me and I am about to move out of it. Which brings sadness. Somemore, wad if JC life is realli tiring, I think cycle pass our school we will realli break out in tears as we recall the relatively carefree life. No need to think so far, I think after the musical there will be a sudden emptiness in my life. The sudden freedom when musical is over, I dun think I can handle it. Even now wif just my fridays free, I also donno what to do wif that free time. Aiya, I think dun think so much cus my brain hurting now from mental exhaustion.

Read More

Haven't been posting for some time. I think now I shall just post once a week, unless got interesting things happen in between. NEways, I read TY's blog and disagree wif some things he say, but I lazy to start a flame war, so I dun wanna rebutt. Not I scared, is like above, if I post once a week, there is realli no point in starting one. In fact, flame wars are actually pointless, they are just a waste of time. Hence, I shall stay away from sensitive topics, unless I realli nth better to do.

Now currently addicted to Kat-Tun and their songs. And also Yamapi's Daite Senorita. However, I disagree wif Daite Senorita's lyrics, but the tune is catchy. After like getting comments from fellow schoolmates, I feel that no matter wad our school do, it will alwayz be a failure. Why? Cus if the school students dun even support, how can they expect the public to support? I mean, at least show some encouragement instead of saying things like "Sure shi bai one lar", "What is the point in doing?" Realli, if all you have are negativities, just keep them to yourself. I mean, even if you dun support, the veri least u can do is just keep quiet. And like show encouragement to ppl involved and not say things like "you are just wasting your time". This is directed to everyone in general, who fits the bill.

Now my fave Kat-Tun song ish Special Happiness (sounds gay) and Precious One. Got one line is Precious One supposed to give hope, but somehow, when I hear it, I think differently. C wad u people think. The line goes "You will meet your Only One.." It's supposed to give reassurance that the one for you will appear. However, I interpret it as I have already met my Only One, just that she rejected me. Somehow, something which brings a comma, can be turned into a full stop. Today, I feel rather high, like realli happi. Today she smiled at me!!!! Haha, it means sooo much, even if it just a friendly smile, but a smile's a smile and it made me smile!!

From the start, I knew our clan would disintegrate after awhile, looks like my prediction came true. I think Glenn has changed somehow. I feel he has matured in his thinking. WP, still stubborn as ever, but he does show some maturity. I donno, but I think that I haf grown closer to them. Dex too. I feel that the musical has helped strengthen my bonds wif them. Ano toki no ano basho kienai kono kizuna. (That time That place, our bond will stay.) Guys, if you ever read this, know this: I will always stand by you, and offer you support in whatever you do. If you shall ever need me, just call me, I promise I will help you as best as I can. Zutto (forever). You are not all alone anymore hitori janai (alone no more). I am truely grateful for all that I have now, and all the people around me who have shown me care and concern. I am realli realli thankful, and I hope I can return the favour.

Read More

ZzZ... My photos are not in dis comp. So I wun be posting about some stuffs I did in Adelaide, cus wanted to post wif photoes. And this layout is realli bad to share photoes. I guess I wun be posting abt my Adelaide trip. But yeah, got lots of fun stuffs there, and interesting :D. Just wondered how the photoes turned out. I hope I can post them by tmr. Its soooo good to be back in Singapore. NEways, was talking to WP abt this ytd, while I was still in Adelaide. There got SOOO many chio bus, and I realli mean ALOT. Too bad for the guys, I did not take any photoes whatsoever of them, HahA. NEways, yeah, they were sooo beautiful, realli nice features. Den it got me thinking. There are like, so many girls out there in this world, am I sure that Grace is the girl for me? But after deliberation, I still feel, no other girl out there can hold a candle to Grace. Like XY put across, they just dun have that tug on me that Grace has. Yeah sure, they are pretty faces, but like this song lyric correctly puts it, "I dun want another pretty face, I dun want just anyone to hold, I dun want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul." Yeah, u guessed it, its Beautiful Soul by Jesse MacCartney.

Being there also made me feel damn sad. Everyone there is TALL! I mean, average height of the ppl there is like WP's height, yeah, I mean, including the girls. Haiz, Singapore is still where I belong, Land of Midgets, XD XD... Ok, by saying that I probably insulted mani ppl, but who can deny it? Singapore's average height is loooow.. Minus the occasional Jordan and etc.

During the plane flights, I watched some movies. Like Aquamarine, Pink Panther, and Ultraviolet. Hmm, I found Aquamarine and Pink Panther nice, but Ultraviolet lost me somewhere. It probably didnt help that I fell asleep while watching it. NEways, got one quote from Aquamarine which I found realli deep, which is Love is the closest thing we [humans] have to magic. And the Pink Panther was REALLI HILARIOUS!!! A MUST WATCH!!! NEways, heres an abstract of a dialogue between the bumbling inspector and his sidekick.

Sidekick: Bezu was found dead. He was shot in the head.
Inspector: Realli? Shot where?
Sidekick: Head....
Inspector: Isit fatal?
Sidekick: Yes....
Inspector: How fatal?
Sidekick: Completely fatal.
Inspector: I would like to speak to him.
Sidekick: But he is dead!!!
Inspector: Oh..

LOL!!! THAT WAS SO FUNNY IT HAD ME ROLLING IN MY SEAT IN LAUGHTER!!! Throw in a hilarious french accent and the retard look on his face, priceless.. Hope I can get the photoes uploaded soon.

Read More

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wahah, pic of Junno, Shuai rite? Omg, He looks so CUTE and INNOCENT!!!! ARgH, I am SOOo infatuated wif him!!!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This is his group photo wif the rest of his group, he is the 3rd from the left.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Erm, this guy is the guy my sis likes, also from the same group as Junno. They so talented, haiz... And so Shuai also... Sniff sniff...

Er, abt Dex's post on our clan's link being only DotA, I dun think I agree wif that. Problem is, our clan is like veri selfish and do things based on individuals. We dun have like team spirit. I mean, take Glenn for example. He onli does things if he thinks its convenient. He dun rly spare a thought for others. Ok, I'm not bashing him or anything, its just that, like wad TY said, Glenn is "See first king". Everything all last minute then gif answer, making the organisers life veri difficult. And then our clan also dun have like a sport which everyone likes. Badminton used to be one, but I think most of us eventually got bored. And the problem wif sports is that some of us too lazy to play, or to leave their homes. Also, Dex, you cannot just rely on us including you. You always seem so aloof and onli talk to girls. That is not exactly what I wld call you want to socialise wif us. I'm not stopping you from talking to gals, just that, if you say we are ignoring you or that you dun seem to see us anywhere, dun u think u shud ask yourself if when we are around were you open to us? I can tell you for sure that most of the time even if we are around, you dun take notice. Why isit that ppl have to find u and not u find them? I find that veri unfair. And I find that the most reliable fren and the most loyal is still Wen Pu. So, thats why sometimes I dun look for you all. Look also no use, u all onli talk amongst urself and ignore me. THe most is "Hi", hardly wad I call a friendly gesture. If you dun treat me as a friend den dun expect me to treat you as one. Oh, the last statement is directed at no one in general, its just a general statement.

Okay... I donno how long I wun be posting, at least a week I think. I'll be overseas for at least a week, so I think no comp for me anymore. K, looking forward to going glenn house tmr.

Read More

Long time since I last posted, I think. I just read TY's blog, and I got some opinions too. However, this will not be a flame, its more like a discussion. NEways, I just got my Zen Vision:M. No idea how well it works, it is now being charged and I have yet to test out. I hope it supports mpg formats or else I need to get another converter to convert mpg to mp4.

Now, wad is friends? To me, friends are emotional support pillars. They help you through your life. If you ask me who makes friends for non-selfish reasons, I say no one. Everyone makes friends because of selfish reasons, but since both of you are reaping benefits from each other, it doesn't really matter much. On the other hand, there are a select few people who only want the benefits without contributing. Yes, this is directed to people like Wei Zhong. After reading TY's blog, it only serves to deepen my dislike for his class boys. When I enter his class, I feel like I entered a different realm. The boys there are like, in the most extreme way, hopeless. This is of course a sweeping statement. I do agree that boys like Jonathan Sim are pleasant people and would be good to make friends with. However, others like Jian Hui, Rui Hee, and Jun Jie, I feel that they are hopeless. THey just give me that impression of people who heck care everything, treats everything unseriously, harbour childish thoughts and intentions. They may do stupid things and claim its to be lame, however, that is not lame. There is a limitation to Lame. Lameness is supposed to be funny. When it crosses the line, it becomes childish and outright annoying. To me, 90% of wad comes out of their mouths are rubbish. They do not say useful things and mostly are gibberish which you can ignore. Even their "jokes" onli serve to freeze the water vapour around me. And I also know they do not like me, though I do not know the reason why, I did not do anything to them, but then again, like I said, these people are childish and I do not want to associate myself with them. This is not the first time this happened to me anyways, I just treat them as people who are jealous of me. Jealousy and fear breeds dislike. THat is what I believe. Though I am not discouraging people to distance themselves from them, but I think people should get friends who are good influence. They may be fun to be with to some, but that's that. You should not listen to their advice or follow what they do. Follow friends who you know are doing the right thing. THis is what I have learnt painfully. Now, I do not want to follow what Glenn does. I want to influence him to do what I do. I am not saying what I am doing is right, but I feel he should at least start caring about his studies. Like Dexter. Dexter already has decided to go serious, Tay Yi also. TO you two, I congratulate you. Come on man, it is just 4 more months, endure these four months and yes!!! You are free!! I didn't know that this would one day come out of me, but I feel DotA is pointless. Gasp! Someone who used to wait every week just to play DotA has said it is pointless!!! I agree it is fun, but thinking of what i used to do, I realised I was foolish. DotA should onli be used to relief my stress, I shouldnt build my life around it. This resolution may cause me to drop to the realms of the battle.net players or even the noob stage, but in the end, does it matter? When WC4 comes out DotA would be outdated!

Now is my "tirade" of Wei Zhong. I never had a good impression of him. Even when I first met him, my gut feeling told me to keep away. Hence, I did not communicate much with him. I feel he chooses friends based on value, and I ABSOLUTELY DETEST SUCH PEOPLE! I remember last time everytime we did project, he is always the one who dun do anything. I wanted to tell Glenn to include someone else instead of him, but at that time, they were inseperable. How many times Tay Yi or Wen Pu got left out because we added that slacker into our group. Even the LOTR presentation also. He just come and slack and play wc3 at glenn house. Never contributed at all. I mean, even WP, who isnt in our group, contributed more than him.

Ok, now to address TY's advice for me to give up. My analytical brain agrees with you that I should give up. Even now, my brain is in conflict with my heart. My brain constantly tells me that holding onto her is pointless. This might cause it to collapse and eventually go insane. But my heart tells me that I should hold on for what good is there in giving up? Love is a drug. Once you have a taste of it, it holds onto you and it is stronger even than nicotine. My brain is fighting a losing battle. Right now, the pros to giving up is I got much more time, much less stress, and I would feel more free. However, giving up would tear my soul apart. Unfortunately, there is no soul booster. I have no idea what to do, I am having an inner conflict. I very much want to hold on, and yet I very much want to give up. But I do not deny that meeting her has had its benefits. I have learnt that love is not easy and that not everything I want will come my way. Also, she has made me smile inwardly on countless occasions. Everytime, I see her smile, I get this inner peace and it makes me smile inside, though I do not show it outside, unless no one's looking. You may not know, but I got expert observation skills. I can observe people without them knowing. Sometimes, it might seem like I did not see something, but actually, I did, and long before. After meeting her, I became more aware of my surroundings, and it taught me what was emotional pain and its horrors. Physical pain pale in comparison to emotional pain. So to TY's advice, nope, I am not going to give up. You do not realise how deep I sank into this already. Even now, I do not find other girls attractive. They just do not appeal to me, though others say:"Eh chio bu!!" Of course I would agree that girl looks pretty, but it does not have that "tug". That attraction that pulls guys to that girl. An analogy would be the action of enzymes. Enzymes are specific, meaning they only act on a certain substrate and not the rest. In this case, its like she morphed me into a specific "enzyme" that only accepts her and no one else. Ok, this is a WEIRD analogy, but I dunno how else to explain it. THem some of you might think:"Yeah right, bullshit." My only reply is, since you are not me, you can never know how I feel, and I garuntee I am not lying. From the bottom of my heart, I can say that I am no longer attracted to other girls.

Read More