Long time since I last posted, I think. I just read TY's blog, and I got some opinions too. However, this will not be a flame, its more like a discussion. NEways, I just got my Zen Vision:M. No idea how well it works, it is now being charged and I have yet to test out. I hope it supports mpg formats or else I need to get another converter to convert mpg to mp4.

Now, wad is friends? To me, friends are emotional support pillars. They help you through your life. If you ask me who makes friends for non-selfish reasons, I say no one. Everyone makes friends because of selfish reasons, but since both of you are reaping benefits from each other, it doesn't really matter much. On the other hand, there are a select few people who only want the benefits without contributing. Yes, this is directed to people like Wei Zhong. After reading TY's blog, it only serves to deepen my dislike for his class boys. When I enter his class, I feel like I entered a different realm. The boys there are like, in the most extreme way, hopeless. This is of course a sweeping statement. I do agree that boys like Jonathan Sim are pleasant people and would be good to make friends with. However, others like Jian Hui, Rui Hee, and Jun Jie, I feel that they are hopeless. THey just give me that impression of people who heck care everything, treats everything unseriously, harbour childish thoughts and intentions. They may do stupid things and claim its to be lame, however, that is not lame. There is a limitation to Lame. Lameness is supposed to be funny. When it crosses the line, it becomes childish and outright annoying. To me, 90% of wad comes out of their mouths are rubbish. They do not say useful things and mostly are gibberish which you can ignore. Even their "jokes" onli serve to freeze the water vapour around me. And I also know they do not like me, though I do not know the reason why, I did not do anything to them, but then again, like I said, these people are childish and I do not want to associate myself with them. This is not the first time this happened to me anyways, I just treat them as people who are jealous of me. Jealousy and fear breeds dislike. THat is what I believe. Though I am not discouraging people to distance themselves from them, but I think people should get friends who are good influence. They may be fun to be with to some, but that's that. You should not listen to their advice or follow what they do. Follow friends who you know are doing the right thing. THis is what I have learnt painfully. Now, I do not want to follow what Glenn does. I want to influence him to do what I do. I am not saying what I am doing is right, but I feel he should at least start caring about his studies. Like Dexter. Dexter already has decided to go serious, Tay Yi also. TO you two, I congratulate you. Come on man, it is just 4 more months, endure these four months and yes!!! You are free!! I didn't know that this would one day come out of me, but I feel DotA is pointless. Gasp! Someone who used to wait every week just to play DotA has said it is pointless!!! I agree it is fun, but thinking of what i used to do, I realised I was foolish. DotA should onli be used to relief my stress, I shouldnt build my life around it. This resolution may cause me to drop to the realms of the battle.net players or even the noob stage, but in the end, does it matter? When WC4 comes out DotA would be outdated!

Now is my "tirade" of Wei Zhong. I never had a good impression of him. Even when I first met him, my gut feeling told me to keep away. Hence, I did not communicate much with him. I feel he chooses friends based on value, and I ABSOLUTELY DETEST SUCH PEOPLE! I remember last time everytime we did project, he is always the one who dun do anything. I wanted to tell Glenn to include someone else instead of him, but at that time, they were inseperable. How many times Tay Yi or Wen Pu got left out because we added that slacker into our group. Even the LOTR presentation also. He just come and slack and play wc3 at glenn house. Never contributed at all. I mean, even WP, who isnt in our group, contributed more than him.

Ok, now to address TY's advice for me to give up. My analytical brain agrees with you that I should give up. Even now, my brain is in conflict with my heart. My brain constantly tells me that holding onto her is pointless. This might cause it to collapse and eventually go insane. But my heart tells me that I should hold on for what good is there in giving up? Love is a drug. Once you have a taste of it, it holds onto you and it is stronger even than nicotine. My brain is fighting a losing battle. Right now, the pros to giving up is I got much more time, much less stress, and I would feel more free. However, giving up would tear my soul apart. Unfortunately, there is no soul booster. I have no idea what to do, I am having an inner conflict. I very much want to hold on, and yet I very much want to give up. But I do not deny that meeting her has had its benefits. I have learnt that love is not easy and that not everything I want will come my way. Also, she has made me smile inwardly on countless occasions. Everytime, I see her smile, I get this inner peace and it makes me smile inside, though I do not show it outside, unless no one's looking. You may not know, but I got expert observation skills. I can observe people without them knowing. Sometimes, it might seem like I did not see something, but actually, I did, and long before. After meeting her, I became more aware of my surroundings, and it taught me what was emotional pain and its horrors. Physical pain pale in comparison to emotional pain. So to TY's advice, nope, I am not going to give up. You do not realise how deep I sank into this already. Even now, I do not find other girls attractive. They just do not appeal to me, though others say:"Eh chio bu!!" Of course I would agree that girl looks pretty, but it does not have that "tug". That attraction that pulls guys to that girl. An analogy would be the action of enzymes. Enzymes are specific, meaning they only act on a certain substrate and not the rest. In this case, its like she morphed me into a specific "enzyme" that only accepts her and no one else. Ok, this is a WEIRD analogy, but I dunno how else to explain it. THem some of you might think:"Yeah right, bullshit." My only reply is, since you are not me, you can never know how I feel, and I garuntee I am not lying. From the bottom of my heart, I can say that I am no longer attracted to other girls.