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Archive for May 2006

+ SEVEN things that make me smile +
1) Seeing / talking to Her
2) Seeing / talking to my true friends
3) Dogs
4) Taguchi Junnosuke
5) Horses
6) Embarrasing moments
7) When she smiles

+ SEVEN ways to win my heart +
1) Talk to me
2) Be Her
3) Have a sweet voice
4) Look innocent and cute (Junno!)
5) Have a love for animals
6) Cheerful
7) Sarcastic

+ SEVEN things I believe in +
1) God
2) Equality between animals and humans
3) True Love
4) Reality is not a dream, hence dreams dun come true
5) Eden ( paradise )
6) Affinity
7) Loneliness

+ SEVEN things im afraid of +
1) The Unknown
2) Rejection
3) Embarrasment
4) Horror movies
5) Being onstage
6) Not being able to grow taller
7) Losing people I love

+ SEVEN things I do everyday +
1) Sleep
2) Eat
3) Think of Her
4) Use the toilet
5) Play
6) 10 Pushups (More if I feel like it)
7) Drink milk

+ SEVEN people i wanna see +
1) Her
2) Taguchi Junnosuke
3) Kamenashi Kazuya
4) Liv Tyler
5) Stephen Lynch
6) Akanashi Jin
7) Wen Pu

+ Seven People whom i choose to do this +
1) Grace
2) Dexter
3) Theresa
4) Wen Pu
5) Glenn
6) Jin Zhe
7) Wei Ning

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First, to address Dex comment. I wanna gay wif Taguchi Junnosuke. If u wanna know who's he, look at my current DP.

Today, an unfortunate incident happened to me (when does it not happen?). Originally, I wanted to blog about it to full extent, including what I felt, however, I decided against it, due to the excessive racism and profanities. The outline is, this guy (Obv a black, hence the racism) stopped me while i wanted to go watch Da Vinci Code. Actually, quite expected, since I'm still under 16...... BY 5 MONTHS..... Wth.... Its so lame. His explanation? Even 1 day before ALSO CANNOT... Wth... That is freaking dumb... NEways, I was pissed at his attitude. He was so rude and unhelpful and unsympathetic. I mean, I wasted 8.50 on the ticket.... And the stuck up thing was, they shoulda checked age at the counter, NOT AT ENTRY.. WTH, OBV THEY WANNA CON PPL.. I almost tossed my popcorn into his face. Den later I went to see the manager. THe manager equally crappy... WTH, not at all concerned, his attitude sux.. Lousy manager, shud be sacked. Then lata, went Mac eat my dinner. So pissed that after half the meal i was full, and decided to take LRT to release my anger. So I took one full round, den went half a round. Met Jordan in the LRT and we got off at Jelapang. Den I went to look for Wen Pu who agreed to come out wif me. Thanks alot!!!

I thought abt it alot. Den I realised I shud be thankful Grace went out wif her frens to watch Da Vinci Code. And not wif me. I mean, can you imagine if we went there together and I stuck outside. She born in 31 Jan so can get in. Me 10/10... Darn, almost snuck in. The first check the person thought I born 10/01.. First time I felt God was wif me. I always felt I'm unlucky and God just forsake me. More or less there lar, just for that once.

After that, WP and I went back to Lot 1 to meet up wif the rest. We went to Mac and talk, where all my thoughts I poured out. Lots of racism in them... But I was so irritated.... Den we decided to go to Bkt Timah to eat prata. We went there in Mr Goh's car, all of us squeezed in the back. Us = Me, WP, TY, TJ, and Glenn. WP sat in front. We went there and ordered prata. We finished the prata pretty fast, but we started chatting abt wad happen to us in the past year. We stayed very long on the topic abt hair and teeth. Mr Goh and TY scaring us abt wisdom tooth and the extraction process. Den TY and I say we wanna dye our hair after Os. I dyeing mine bronze, AND leaving long hair. I wanna style my hair like JUNNO!!! Den Mr Goh suggest I get braces on my lower jaw, cus the teeth out of alignment. And then we started talking abt BGR. We discussed who go wif who now, and Mr Goh v interested to know who is Michele. Den I told Goh I infatuated wif another person now. Haha, u can guess, JUNNO!!!! Den Mr Goh say "Looks like Grace had alot of impact on you.." Diao, I just think he veri handsome wad... I both infatuated and jealous of him. Haiz, he just seems so perfect. Tall, handsome, acrobatic, can dance, can sing, and can do math!! He's got brawn AND brains. WHile I have the lack of both. I wish I were him.... I dun wanna be myself..... Then lata we talked abt other stuffs, den Glenn say Grace cut her hair v bad for musical cus Belle supposed to have long hair. Oh, and Goh also asked why I so open abt it. My reply was simple. WP help me leak it already, there no need for me to keep it a secret. Basically anyone who knows me knows I like her. At least ppl whom I spend more time wif. Den we started crapping that Glenn has a girl he likes. Haha, but that topic was left hanging, cus seriously, we have no idea who Glenn likes, IF he has one.

Got home and I was like yuening to my mom abt wad happened. This is when i realli feel that frens are better than parents. My dad actuallly asked me to shut up and go out. WTH!!! He was working lar, but his work more impt than me? Wow, I shall now treat my games more impt than him. Realli, why do I need a dad when my dad has absolutely no concern for me?

Sometimes, I wish I never existed. THen I dun even need to go through the pain, nor dying.
Wow, that is so totally awesome. Sometimes, I wish I were a flirt, den I wldnt be stuck on one girl and wlda went around flirting. Soemtimes, I wish I can dance, den I can dance like Kat-Tun. Sometimes, I wish I can sing, den I can sing like JUNNO!! Sometimes, I wish I was born another person. Like if I were born as Junno. Life wlda been great.

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I lead such a sad life.. Sometimes, I just wish I have the courage to end my life. Why. My life is just full of pain, disappointments, rejections, dejections. I got rejected by the only girl I have ever loved. My results are crap. My parents refuse to buy Heroes 5 for me. Why is my life.. So meaningless. So pointless. So useless. Worst of all, so painful.

I wish I were gay. If I were gay, I wouldnt have loved you. If I were gay, I would literaly be happy. If I were gay, I would be much closer to my friends. If I were gay, I would have much fewer problems.

I wish I had the courage to end my life. If I had the courage, all my pain would have ended. If I had the courage, I wouldnt be suffering in silence. If I had the courage, all my problems would have solved. If I had the courage, lots of people would have been happier.

Why? Why can't it be like it was, before.... Why can't I be like a primary school kid anymore? Why am I so corrupted, and so detestable. Why? I hate myself. I hate myself now. The "I" in my future hates my present now, and my present now hates my future "I". Who I am in the future would surely be like who I am now. Who I was is lost in time. I want so much to be who I was.

Shangri-La ni akogarete... (I yearn for paradise)

In my fading conciousness, all I could think was: Someone, tell her that I will be late. But I will surely get there, so please wait for me.

Dareka kanojo ni tsutaetekure yo, hoomu no haji de matteru hazu sa. Chotto okureru kamoshirenai keredo, kanarazu yuku kara soko de mattero yo.

Unfortunately, I know when I get there, there will be no one there. Just me, and an empty place.

I wonder how many of you feel this way. Not alot I bet. Everyone around me seems to be having a good life. Then why am I suffering this way? Was it what I done in my previous life? Was I a terrorist? Or maybe Adolf Hitler? Or was I Stalin? What did I do to deserve this? Or was I John Wilkes Booth? I dun see why is my life so horrible.

I look at Kat-Tun, and I feel that I am very sad. Those guys are so handsome, and talented in dancing and singing. Me? I'm ugly, untalented, stupid, lazy. I dance like an elephant and sing like sandpaper rubbing against each other.

Someday, I may just have the courage to end my life. But I can only hope for such a day. Or hope for a day where my life takes a better turn. But that day will come later than the day I have the courage to end my life. Or maybe never. For I bet I sinned alot in my previous life so I am suffering so much now. And just so I cannot have the easy way out by killing myself, God makes me too cowardly to end my own life.

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Heroes 5

Counting down the days to 19th May and 23rd May. Why? 19th May is the opening of Da Vinci Code, which I wanna watch. 23rd May is the official release date of Heroes 5!!! Yeah!!! Heroes 4 was so crappy, Heroes 5 looks like a realli decent game, thks to Nival for all the gr8 work they put into the game. I will DEFINITELY buy it. Oh man, I feel so excited. Been a fan of the Heroes franchise since Heroes 1!! Haha, fan boy!!

Exams are nearly over, left the bio paper, lit paper, E math paper 2, and chem paper 1. Plus a listening compre. Ah, the gr8 days ahead after the mid years and before the results, lol. Looking forward 2 going for the musical again. Also, middle two wks in June going Adelaide! Wonder wad I will be doing there. Bio paper is so taxing on the brain, so much facts to memorize.. Didnt study lit at all today.. Tmr lit exam die liao.. Hopefully I can miraculously recall all that I've learnt/read. Actually, I totally forgot most of wad I wanted to post... Haiz.. Memory so bad. Today went cycling again wif GLenn n WP. This time we went to Bkt Timah Hill and we climbed it on our bikes. THe gradient is soooo crazy. Its so rocky and steep that some parts we had to get off and wheel the bikes up. Even at gear 3, I had a hard time cycling up the slope.. And it was so muddy, yux, at least come home shower liao feel so shuang. K.. nth else...

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What have you done? how much have you experienced?(copy and paste on2 ur own blogs.)

(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) skipped school
(x) seen someone die [sort of. Only Ning will know what I mean. If she still remembers what I told him]
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) love someone or miss someone right now [Alwayz]
(x) lain on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely [Alwayz have been]
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
(x) used a fake id [In games]
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake/tremor
( ) been through a hurricane
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars [Don't everyone? Ur just blocked by the roof.]
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed [Been robbed of my sanity and my love]
(x) been misunderstood
( ) danced in the moonlight [I can only wish]
( ) liked the way I look
( ) witnessed a crime
(x) questioned my heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost [Figuratively, I still am]
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swum in the ocean
(x) felt like dying [Still feel like]
(x) cried yourself to sleep [More than once]
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't [Fell in love before JC over]
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe [I can only wish, and hope..]
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone roller-skating
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(x) didn't take a shower for a week [In the States during Winter]
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree [not apple]
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) cheated on a test
( ) cheated on a lover [I dun even have a lover..]
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
( ) have had a fantasy over someone you love as a good friend
( ) sun tanned naked
( ) ran naked in the rain

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Maple Story: The adventure!

This was supposed to be posted ytd, but my mom switched off internet and I ended up sleeping early.. OK, for those who read TY's version, it was accurate to a moderate extent. I post what ACTUALLY happened, as far as I can remember. I shall include description :D.. Helps my compo... XD XD... Okay, so here goes.... Crap.. SHud I do it story style or recount? Storecount bah.. HAHA!!

Ytd went cycling wif Glenn, WP, TY, and myself. Actually, I almost cancelled the cycling trip, cus of the overcast skies. In the end, I decided I shall go ahead wif our cycling plans.. TY and I cycled to Glenn's place first to meet up wif Glenn and WP. Den, we decided, or I did, to cycle to NYGH. No idea why, I just liked the houses there, looks so big and nice. Challenging also, cus of distance plus gradient. We had to climb not one, but two hills! And of course, I sarboed everyone to climb 2 more hills. 2 REALLI STEEP HILLS!! So, our great journey to the East started. We set off from BP at a breakneck pace, literal meaning, cus if u fall off at that speed ur gonna break ur neck. TY had trouble catching up and WP was lagging behind cus WP was "Sweeper", meaning hes the last man. Den me n glenn were like all the way in front. We went too far, realised they werent behind, den we stopped. We had already conquered our first hill and both of us were expecting TY to struggle. Countdown, 30 seconds to 1 min later, TY APPEARED!!! And TY was v happi to conquer that hill. We continued forward and WP warned TY of a second bigger hill. The second bigger hill came at around beauty world there. To me, it was smaller. Gradient smaller, but length of hill longer. However, to our great exhiliration, it was one immense downhill all the way to Adam's Park. So we just zoomed down and den we continued straight. Cycled some distance and came to this opening at Eton house. I told them turn in cus I wanna go c nice houses, and also betta to cycle in da prime estate than by the roadside. More scenery. So we cycled inside. Hehe, wad greeted us was a hill wif the gradient of 3? y=3x. XD XD, den TY was like SIAN!!! Den me n glenn chiong in front again.. Wah, muscles felt like they on fire. Den we reached the top and waited for them, den... THEY WERE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!! In the end, we realised WP and TY went one big round and redezvous wif us, den I gave wrong directions and we cycled deeper into the estates. Who ask all the houses there to look so alike... Den we saw this realli big hill, and I thot maybe up there, so we cycled up. Well, not we, me n glenn. WP and TY had to wheel their bikes up. This hill.. Had a gradient of 5? It was so steep that a garbage truck cldnt climb it. It rolled downhill after progressing halfway, den me n glenn laughing at the top of da hill. After that, we realised we were in da middle of nowhere, so we decided to descend the hill. WOOHOO!! ANOTHER BIG DOWNHILL!!!! Den we appeared beside singapore telecoms -.-ll.. We overshot NYGH. So we just exited to the main road and cycled backwards to NYGH, where we rested awhile, den we went to Crown Plaza to have a drink. The Mac there arh.. V stingy, dun wan gif us full cup of coke.. EEyerr.. After drinking we decided to head home. It was already like 5 10. We were on the opposite side of da road, HCJC there. So we cycle cycle, and while outside HCJC, SOMETHING HAPPENED!! Ok lar, this is wad I realli wanna post abt, cus tis the firs time I had a LEG CRAMP!!

It went like this. Glenn was leader as usual, me second, TY third, WP sweeper. Den rite, I was like "relaxing" my foot on one pedal when suddenly something weird happened. An intense pain hit my leg and I realised I cld no longer bend that leg, which was my left leg. Naturally, I panicked. I never felt this kind of pain be4 and honestly, I thought I dislocated my knee. So I did a stop and hopped off my bike, no chance getting off, my leg was soooo stiff. Den TY just cycle past without saying anything. Thank goodness WP stopped and he asked me wads wrong.

WP: yo, why you stop?
Me: ****, I think I dislocated my knee...
WP: Diao, try to sit.
Me: ****, I cant, I cant bend my ******* knee.
WP: Try.
Me: Wa lao eh, why mus this kind of ******* thing happen to me....
WP: You need to sit down.
Me: I try. (Den realising I cldnt, I fell backwards on purpose, den sat up straight.) Oh yeah, wanna know wad happened to my knee? Bio 101, our knee is positioned in front of the shin, and our thighs are also in front of the shin, not literaly in front, as in the position is more outwards. Wad happened was, my muscle tensed, den pulled back, creating a bulge at my thigh there, towards my right. The left side muscle all gone, cus got pulled to the right. Den the knee was pulled IN by the muscle, so my knee thigh and shin were of the same position. The kind of pain I experienced is like when you put ur leg in a REALLI weird position, den u r in pain, and u cant do ANYTHING abt it, so I was in CONSTANT pain.
WP: Feel better?
Me: ****, its so ******* painful. **** man...

Aha, now comes the interesting part, at this juncture, two girls from HCJC walked out of the school gates. Den they saw me sitting on da ground and WP beside me so they walked over. I was like "shit, so pain.." (more groanings).

Girl#1: Er, excuse me, do you need help.
Me (to WP): ****, I think tmr I no need go school liao...
Girl#1 (louder): Excuse me, do you need help.
Me: (Change to cheerful disposition and laughing abit, cus I FELT SO SHY!!!): Er.. ya.. I need to call my mom. (Reach into pocket for my HP) ****, my ******* HP is wif GLenn, and hes all da way in front...
WP: I think it will take them awhile to realise we are not behind...
Me: **** man, lidat how to take MT paper tmr...

Then at his point of time, Girl #2 reached for her bag, unzipped it den looked inside. I was still talking to WP and cursing. Then Girl #2 look at Girl #1, den look at me giving me this weird weird look. At first I never thought of it as anything. Den... THE TWO GIRLS WALKED AWAY!! At that time I was SOOO pissed. I mean, they are SO HYPOCRITICAL, ask me if I need help, den walk away... Den I just aiya, nvm lar, anywaes the pain starting to subside, but I cld feel like someone clamping my knee. I never realli thought of it anymore. Den, GLENN CAME BACK!!! So me n WP told GLenn wad happened, den Glenn laughed and said she probably thought I was a scammer -.-.... DIAO!!!! WHAT THE HECK!! I FEEL SO INSULTED. One thing, I DUN LOOK LIKE A SCAMMER.. I was like stun there, then come to think of it, realli seems so.. But... First time someone think me scammer. Feel so sad... And pissed.... And insulted.... But cant realli blame her right? There the place so secluded, ppl cant see at all, there were hedges seperating us from main road and fence on the other side. And then, TY came back.. NVm, den glenn let me rest awhile more. Thanks Glenn, for being so considerate. Den when I felt my leg cramp subsiding, I cycled again. We cycled some distance, when my right leg started to cramp.. So Again, I hopped off and sat down in da middle of da pavement. Den.. Glenn and TY sped ahead again. WP again stopped to help me. I realli appreciate his help. Realli, he is like a Godsent gift to me. I am realli glad God made me meet a loyal and trusted friend like him. I am truly grateful for him and thankful. He stayed wif me until the pain subsided. Den, GLENN CAME!!! Haha.. Realli funnie. Den we cycled again. Den my cramps were like NO MORE!! So I was cycling happily, we were at Bukit Timah Hill already, all was fine, until TY FELL into a grass trap... Den to prevent me from running into him, I emergency stop. Emergency stop means leaning all my weight onto one leg to stop the bike. Note, my bike seat was so high I had to tip toe to reach the floor. So, LEG CRAMP!! Den TY neva care, just cycle on.. Left me n WP again.. Den this time, I never recovered. The pain persisted. Glenn came back, den after that left, cus he mus reach home by 7, and it was almost 7. I dun blame him, since it is already so amazing he was so patient. Den me n WP slowly wheeled our bikes back to BP. I decided to go to glenn house ask him keep my bike, cus I was reluctant to cycle liao. Leg muscle in no condition to cycle. Den while walking we crapped alot.. And we saw an accident, so I was like, Im thankful my accident not so bad... Den we were talking about alot of things, from gals to, well, songs. He asked me wad was my worst way to die, so I replied to be killed by Grace, and his best way to die was to be killed by michele, cus he said thats wad michele wants and he wants wad michele wants. I get his logic lar... But not me lor... Dieing nvm, but the heartache.. worst.... Unless she realli hate me so much den want kill me den I nth to say.. But I doubt so.. Nvm, den we started talking abt songs, and we were singing a few songs to pass the time. TO gif u a scope of the time we spent walking, TY and Glenn left us at abt 6 50, and we arrived at BP at 8 10. Do the math man.. We walked so long while pushing our bikes. We started cycling at abt 4. So we were out for a grand total of 4 hrs 10 mins. The ironical thing was cycling supposed to build muscle, but after that, my muscle felt drained and weak. This morn also, I almost cld not climb the stairs. I was like wobbling everytime I planted my weight onto one foot. Budden, walking along BKt Timah road in da nite v romantic, soft light and nice surroundings, minus the cars.. I wish I cld walk down that road wif Grace... But nvm... Its just wishful thinking. For me, walking wif WP down that road was a gr8 experience, pls dun think dirty, but I feel I got to know him and appreciate him as a friend better. I've never had a better friend.

For that day, I finally saw the importance of friends. I sincerely thank Glenn, Wen Pu, and Tay Yi. I thank Tay yi least cus he also did least, but at least provide company. I am also touched by Glenn's patience. He gives me the impression that he abandons people, so for that day, I am truly grateful to him for his patience, for helping me. Last but not least, I am indebted to Wen Pu. He has proven time and again he is one loyal and trustworthy friend. I dun care wad others say, but wen pu is a great guy. I am realli touched and thankful that he was with me all the way, through my difficulties. He even cheered me up in that depression. He provided help and adviced me on wad to do when the muscle cramp came. Without him, I think I wld have been so afraid and so alone.. Thanks alot Wen Pu.. You are indeed a veri veri veri good friend. Wad made me saw the importance of friends was another thing. In contrast to my friend's concern, my parents were not so concerned. My dad came to pick me up and in da car, he scolded me. He wasnt even concerned if it still hurted.. Reached home, my mom reprimanded me over dinner. She also never even asked if I still hurt. Den, she came to my room after doing the dishes, and scolded me for not taking A maths paper from glenn when I went to his house to keep my bike. I mean, at that time, all I thought of was it was so late and my gratitude for Glenn's patience, so all I thought of was to show him my appreciation to him for helping keep my bike and his patience. So I just talked to him awhile den went off. In this kind of condition, who in da mood to think of A math??? Certainly not me... Den I felt so hurt (Yes, although I seem cheerful and smiley and heck care, I am still human and I have feelings), and I just went to sleep early to shut off all the thoughts.

One lesson I learnt, I shud stop being so cheerful, I shud be more moody. People just take me for granted. Like those 2 girls. If I had not smiled and laughed uneasily, my not so acting act wld have paid off. And I wasnt even acting. If they were in my shoes they'd be crying. 3 yrs ago if this happened to me, or even two years ago I wld definitely be crying. Not now. I just looked at it in a comical way. Im lame!! Literaly lame! Not just figuratively lame anymore... True that I was fustrated, but who wldnt be?

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