Today Glenn, Dex, and TY went for church camp, hope they have fun there. Actually, I was supposed to go too, but I decided I dun wanna go and spend more time wif my sis. And besides, I dun wanna meet new people. Not yet at least. Yes, I am VERY anti-social. I dun like meeting new people. I dun like making new friends. I just want my current frieds.

Dreamt of her again today. Dreamt of her yesterday too. Sigh, what's wrong wif me nowadays... I can't realli rmb wad was the yesterday's dream, it had to be good, for I dun rmb panicking or waking up with a start. But today's dream, I can still see it, hear it, touch it. I woke up feeling really happy (Not wet dream), felt that I have been born again, and then I realised it was a dream... Sigh, as usual I was disappointed. Then I thought about it, somehow the dream didn't seem like a big deal, so why did I feel so happy? So I started reflecting about it, and I came to a conclusion. THe conclusion is:__________________________________________. Lol, I dun wanna say. If this was a personal diary, I may write that out.

"I try to forget you, but I dunno how.."

WP came over today. Not much cept we watched Getbackers, den we DotAed and played a few lame games. Den he watched me play Fly For Fun. SO, we just talk cock until 6 den he went home. How can I forget, we neopets a little too. Ok, a little is an understatement lol.

These few days I feel very heavy, like sth is chaining my legs and holding me down. I dunno wads causing it, nor do I have the morale to find out what is it. Ever since she left for China, I felt something missing from my heart. What puzzled me was even when she was here, I did not talk to her much. So logically speaking, when she goes overseas, the change to my life should not be that great, right? WRONG! I dunno why, but I feel I lose my purpose in life and I keep feeling like giving up. Exactly the same feeling I had last year this time of the year. And then the age old saying "Man does not treasure what he has until he has lost it" Yet, she was never mine, so how could I have lost her? Theoretically wrong. I cannot lose something I never had.

"I love you, from the bottom of my heart. You are, will always be, my only one. My heart is only big enough for you, no one can take the number one place in my heart, nor can anyone have a place in my heart while you are still here. Even when I close my eyes, I see your face. In times of loneliness, I wish only for your company. Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of you, and I find the courage to turn the next bend. Sometimes, I wish I was someone else. I wish I was someone you would love. I cannot be satisfied with myself. I want so much to be the only one in your life, but am I not good enough? THen, why can't I be someone worthy? Someone worthy of your touch, your kiss, your loving gaze? Why then, do I have to be me?"

When can I win your heart? Sadly, this isn't a carnival, where if you have enough money, and enough patience and determination, you can win the top prize. This, is life. This is the game of love. This is where many people suffer. This is reality, not dreams. What dreams do I have? My only dream is to be with you. To protect you.

At this juncture, I think of Ginji and his promise to protect the people of unlimited city. And that is so totally irrelavant.

"Looking back on the things I've done, I was trying to be someone. I played my part, I kept you in the dark. Now let me show you the shape of my heart."

When life throws you a fastball, You catch it. But when life throws me a fastball, I let it hit me in the face, so I can wake up. Or perhaps knock me out. Either way, it would be good.

I shall just let life takes it course and see what unfolds. Perchance I shall win her heart? Perchance I end up in the same JC as her? Either way, it's all up to Fate now. Ok Fate, everything is in your hands, I can only... Believe.... Shinjitteru...