Messed Up Thoughts (My true feelings)

Woots, everyone came back today! Nt sure what I will be doing tmr. perhaps we would be gg LAN. Who knows.

Spoke to her today. Ok. Not spoke. MSNed. She got into AJC. Ahh, congratulations. My mom asked me to appeal to AJC. I was reluctant at first, cus (in order of importance):

#1: She's there and I dun want her to misunderstand I appealed to get into the same school as her.

#2: AJC does not offer Computer Programming.

#3: I dun wanna go out.

In the end my mom said sth that made me decide to appeal.

"Why are you always so indecisive. What's yours you dun want to fight for it. Prelim also like that, never go and claim marks, then never get 11 points without minus."

Ahh, I was rly surprised, den I thought about it. Ya, I should not let opportunities slide by. I should take it. So be it if she thinks I appealed to be in the same school as her. Well, it shows I'm despo. (Oh wait, that isnt good isit?) Yeah, I shall go appeal. I think Tuesday or sth. But I think must call them up first.

I think I analyse too much. Sometimes, before I say things, I would think 3 lines ahead. What the person will reply, what I should reply, what that person in turn will reply. I make sure that it's satisfactory before I speak. Omg, I'm turning into Kira. Actually, this is only when I chat wif her. haha. I'm proud (or ashamed) to say that my predictions are almost always correct. Or at least close to the reply. And then I applied it to other ppl also. And now... Sigh... Though this doesn't happen wif every sentence. Just some.. sensitive.. ones. But there's nth wrong in thinking before you say something right? I just overdo it.

Yeah, I was trying to be someone else. I was trying to be someone everyone likes. I dun care what I like, I just try to please everyone. Jeez, you know that sux? You know its realli terrible to not have things go your way? Its terrible to keep following. Ya, some ppl think I dun have my own opinion. You just nv thought that I DO have my own opinion, I just dun want to make you all angry. I just want to be some one everyone likes. And in the end, I hate myself.

I wish I can be like Glenn. Inconsiderate yet considerate. He knows how to satisfy himself yet make himself likeable. Ya, I am attracted to him. Seriously. I think he can be a girl magnet if he wants to. I mean, he really treats me badly. Most of the time. BUt somehow I keep believing in him, keep supporting him. THere are times where I thought, "SCREW GLENN", but somehow, I never quit being his friend. I think it has to do with his personality? So.. Girls, if you dun wanna get attracted by him, dun bother knowing him. Once you know him, you might find him irresistable. OM, what am I saying, I make him sound like some evil rapist. Ah well. He's just charming in my opinion.

Jeez. I rly like my current friends, though there are frictions. Alot. But somehow, we managed to glue together. Glenn, WP, Dex, TY. TY's the worst one. We fell out 2-3 times, yet got together in the end. These 4 are my good friends, my inner circle. Glenn and WP are my best friends. And I guess, they will stay that way. Yeah. I excluded George cus he's not our age haha, but I treat him as an older brother I never had. He's rly nice too.

As my post title suggested, these are my true feelings. I think, you can probably tell. I'm not holding anything back. Actually, I'm onli sure TY reads my blog. And Grace Yeoh. I dun think anyone else reads. Lol. So I guess, this is almost a personal diary.

Sincerely praying after O levels results release I can get into NJC. Of course, I pray that Glenn will get in too. And Grace too :). I really doubt WP and TY can get into NJ, and TY wants to go Poly anyways. WP also considering going Poly. I'm not sure about Dex, but judging by how confident he was during the Os, he should be able to enter NJ too. But confidence is a double-edged sword. Rly, I think onli my EL will sarbo. Crap. I shouldn't have anyhow wrote my composition. Sigh. I must have been insane. I think my dual maths get A1 alr. My MT shud be able to push to A1 also. Bio and Physics should be A1 too. Geography should also be A1.

Lord, please grant me the grades that I desire. Nothing has ever went my way before. So please grant this wish. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I think the MOE should stop giving priority to HMT ppl. It's unfair enough they get a 2 point advantage. Still want to give them advantage. THat is seriously CRAP. They should do sth like ppl who Prelim get A1 for English can minus 2 points off their Os. That would be more fair to ppl who MT sux but EL good. Ah well, MOE sux, enough said. They are still miles behind the education system in America. I rly dun see the emphasis on MT. I mean, taking MT ok, nth wrong wif that. BUt giving priority to ppl wif HMT is just insane. It shows poor planning and also ministers and officials who hasn't went through this kind of education system. Which actually sux. This is my main gripe now of the examination system. Another thing MOE can do is introduce GP in secondary school. Den if u take GP no need take English. Score a pass in GP can minus 2 pts. So GP becomes like the english version of HMT. so all's fair. See. It's not so hard to make things fair. Poor planning, that's what I say. Never actually thought through the policy properly. Never realised it's so one-sided.

Ok, Nth else to post. Another long post. Haha. Rarely have long post alr..