Just finished watching B&B the movie again. And then, as I was watching, I was like imagining the rehearsals. Omg, a wave of nostalgia swept over me and I cldn't help but start longing for time to be turned back. I realli liked the rehearsals on Mon and Thurs. I did not feel so lifeless then, and every week had at least 2 days which I look forward to, and life was not so monotonous. Now, everything feels like a routine and I am just programmed to go through it. Ya, I also received the "Slow Dance" poem, and I think its realli meaningful. My life wld be sth like a tango, I am just rushing through it and not taking time to notice the things around me.

To me, life just not hold any meaning anymore. U know it does not hold meaning when you ask yourself what if you were well-to-do nxt time? And if you can only shrug your shoulders and think "gd lor", den you probably think that life has no more meaning. If you start feeling life is a burden, den life too does not hold any meaning. If you live life without looking forward to the next day, den life has no meaning. This is exactly what I am feeling now. I don't feel joy in my heart. I laugh, yes, but its all temporary and I do not truely feel happiness. I do not feel bliss, the kind of warm feeling you get when you embrace someone.

4 years have passed so fast, and I can still rmb I regretted not studying hard and not entering ACSI. Now, I do not regret it at all, not one bit. I'm glad I'm a SUPER slacker during my pri sch. In just a few months I wld be leaving this school, and leaving behind a vortex of memories that beckon me to stay. But, we all know, life moves on, time does not stop for anyone. I don't want to be alone anymore, I've been alone for too long... You were never there, when I needed you. You were never there, wherever I may be. Yet, I want to be there for you, when you need me. Yet, I want to be there for you, to be someone whose shoulder you can cry on, even if I may not be your only one, at least, I know I am making a contribution to you. And if you should ever like another guy, I will only wish you all the best, and pray for you. For I only want happiness for you. I do not reserve any for me, I do not need it. I've lived 16 years of my life without it. I do not reserve any energy for me, I do not need it. I've lived 16 years of my life thinking life's a chore. I do not reserve any of myself for me, I do not need it. I've lived 16 years of my life without love from people around me (Save this incredible sister I have, I do love her so, without her, I will commit suicide straightaway).

I guess, its like trying to run before learning to walk. But, in love, there is nothing known as a "walk". That's why we are so succeptible in relationships, that's why we keep falling down, and breaking our hearts, which like glass, shatters into million pieces. What I really want now, is someone who can understand me, who can cry with me, who can be a mountain I can lean on. I'm so tired.. I dun wanna go on anymore.. You took my heart, dropped it onto the floor, smashed it, and trod over the broken pieces. They are now stuck to your shoe, and my heart will never be whole, I can't love someone else whole-heartedly. You will always be someone in my heart, and will always be a raw wound that refuses to heal.

Seperation has lent its hand in dismantling my heart. After I painstakingly try to piece my heart back together, seperation has torn it asunder. I realli wanna give up now. I dun wanna continue, I just wanna live a day as a day and not care about anything else.