ashamed....

Wow.. Weird title huh. Just finished exploring Derek's website and concluded I'm wasting my life. I was looking at what he does in his free time compared to what I do in mine. He comes up wif self-initiated DIY projects that sound rly cool (a la Class IIIb laser and infra-red cam) during his supposedly free time. When I'm free, all I do is play games (lifeless ones at that) or lie on my bed staring at the ceiling for hours. Sometimes I enjoy standing by my window and look into the distance and stare for half an hour. And no, I'm not enjoying the scenery, I'm spacing out. Other favourite free-time activities I do include plugging my MP3 player earphones into my ear and listen to songs for as long as I can. Also I enjoy meditating on my bed with my dog. Sometimes, I also do peer counselling. I talk to my dog about all the ****ed up-ness of my life. Ya, you get the point, I'm rly not putting my life to good use! I should be motivated to do something, maybe not designing lasers or infra-red cameras, but I could say take up programming on my own? Write a programme on my own? Create a flash game? Heck, or even clean up my room.

Backtrack: I kinda enjoy meditating wif my dog, having peer couselling wif it, and lying down on my bed staring at the ceiling for hours. Sometimes I find life full of shit.

Ok, so I may not be a science guy like derek. I'm kinda an art guy. Some novel I have started on last year is still waiting to be completed. Maybe I shall go complete it. BUt I've written to a writer's block and have no idea how to continue. Stuck at chapter 5 I think. Thinking of joining dance actually. Oh w8, thats so random!!! Watched High School Musical 3 times. And I was thinking, how much fun it must be to be in the cast, singing and dancing. Gosh, I suddenly have a fetish for dancing. It just seems so cool and fun!! Of course, PJC ppl dun like. No idea why, they laugh at ppl who audit for choir and dance. ANyway, ppl who go PJC are called PJeons (pronounced pigeons). Sth I came up wif.

Come to think of it, I may not be lifeless after all. It's just I like to spend my time differently. I dun like self-imposed projects. Maybe cus I dun like responsibilities? But that doesn't make me irresponsible. I just like slacking off, enjoying life at its simplest and finest.

"Am I rly enjoying myself..?" Dono, everyday just seem like a day of worries and problems. No, I'm not feeling stressed out by JC. I feel like a genius at PJC man. I slack off in lectures, tutorials I'm spacing out, and I dun even bother doing homework. All that and I can still understand wads going on. "Not to mention some ppl are rather dim.." Shall not say who. "You have no idea who.." True.. I duno who, just know there are.

When does life have a meaning? Isit after u accomplish something big? After you gotten your degree? When you make your first million? When you meet your true love? Nope, I dun think its any of this. Life has meaning cus you think it has meaning. If you think slacking off everyday is meaningful then your life has meaning. That when you die you are satisfied with your life. You find it meaningful that while you lived you slacked off. A meaningful life doesn't have a fixed definition. You define it.

I should put a disclaimer on my blog. Just have no idea how to make it display everytime someone comes. I dun want it in the form of a popup since its annoying. And I also wanna compose a tune for one of my college songs titled "Perfect Strangers". Never got around to it. Thought of abit here and there but didn't write it down. It ain't even mine actually, just while listening to it, felt it could be improved.

CNY is comin and results are going to be released soon. I just wanna be out of PJC and go to some better JC. Actually, only 2, NJC and ACJC. All the other JCs I dun wanna go. I have not gotten my next issue of PC Gamers yet. Popular still haven't received their stock. Crap. What's more I think they only import 1 issue? Sigh, I hope I'm not too late.

Footnote: I dono why every time I settle down to blog I begin to forget what I wanted to blog about.